Well, well, well – Long time no blog!
If the title had you instantaneously singing Stacie Orrico’s “More To Life” (there’s gotta be more to lifeeeeee than chasing down every temporary high, to satisfy meeeeeeee) in your head, you’re not far off base from what I’d like to touch on today.
Hearing this song on the radio lead me to think about my experiences over the past few months. Everything I wanted was manifesting in my life: I was working towards my dream career, reached and sustained my goal weight, was in a relationship with a wonderful guy and finally had down time after a chaotic senior year of college. Despite all the great things I had going for me, I felt incredibly…. unsatisfied, lost and stuck.
I may come off sounding ungrateful, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was grateful and happy, while those things were making me happy. I was seeking happiness externally by chasing temporary highs.
We all have our “highs” whether they be alcohol, sex, status, academic success, weight control, drugs, shopping, people, eating, wealth, partying, relationships, strict routine, etc. They all share the same commonality; as crutches that provide short lived periods of elation.
My incessant search for happiness only resulted in temporary novelty, not true fulfillment. I was chasing goals and accomplishments in an effort to feel satisfied. Time after time I would achieve a “high” to only crave another soon after. The more unhappy I felt, the tighter I would cling to my external sensory pleasures. I, like so many others, began to neglect myself. Thus, the cycle continued on.
Why do we do this? Well, because it’s easy. It’s much easier to deflect our feelings or place the blame on something else. It’s easier to say “I’m lonely because I don’t have a boyfriend” than to admit “I’m lonely because I don’t love myself”. It’s easier to avoid inner turmoil than to reopen old wounds and face the pain.
Most of us are out of sync with our inner selves, living life on autopilot. We are taught that “this and that” will make you happy: do “this” and get “that” to feel good. The outside world is not in charge of how we feel, it’s merely a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
Seeking happiness can only lead to additional suffering. Happiness is not something found outside of us, it is state of mind that can only be attained from within. This can only be achieved once your awareness shifts from external to internal. Take an honest look at your thoughts and actions for what they are. Set time alone for yourself. Think about what makes you, you – not the superficial or materialistic qualities, but your innate characteristics and passions. Are you happy or is something holding you back? Are your actions based on your innate desires or on others expectations of you? Are you living to make others happy or to make yourself happy? Are you working to pursue your passion or for monetary gain and status? And most importantly, are you being true to yourself? These are just some of the questions I began asking myself before I could fully grasp my reality in it’s entirety.
Fortunately, I was placed in a situation that forced me to take a good, honest look at myself. After weeks of deep introspection I finally had a profound realization. Instead of delving into my mind and analyzing every thing, feeling, person and situation that I believed to constitute my happiness, I needed to detach and observe my actions/emotions for what they actually were. I needed to shift my perspective to see happiness existing in the present moment. I believe this is the first step towards true joy and fulfillment.
What I came to realize was that I was unhappy because these things weren’t what I was really looking for. I was really looking for inner peace, clarity and love. My mind was too focused on my future wants to acknowledge my present needs. Instead of focusing on me, I was chasing highs: I lost sight of my inner self. From my experience I have learned to except change and value the now rather than clinging to “what will be”.
The future is uncertain, so instead of wishing for happiness “…one day“, allow it to catch up to you today. Are you ready to give up the chase?